Anything For You
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by Ethan Day
Category: Erotica/Erotic Romance/Romance
Description: Jason Miller is still in the closet. He's never found a reason to kick the door open, walk into the light of day, and tell the world he's gay. At least that's what he keeps telling himself -- along with a multitude of other solid arguments. As an ad man, he's used to hawking a bill of goods, he just never imagined he'd fall victim to his own hype. When ex-activist/coming out guru, Chad Wellington came along, he was the one thing Jason never saw coming. Like a moth to a flame these two opposites ignite leaving Jason to decide if he can handle the heat.
eBook Publisher: MLR Press, LLC/MLR Press, LLC,
eBookwise Release Date: April 2011
41 Reader Ratings:
Available eBook Formats: OEBFF Format (IMP) [155 KB]
Reading time: 95-133 min.
In conversations with my parents, sister, and co-workers, I'd say it to myself while we were talking, as if it were a grammar rule from high school. Jason, don't forget to drop the he and insert she, like I before E except after C. I never realized how much work it was until I finally decided to stop doing it. How could something so simple be such hard work, so taxing on the mind?
Slowly, it began to suck the life out of me. Not so much that I noticed it on a daily basis, but just enough to make me lose that edge--you know--the sharpness and clarity we all seem to have an abundance of in our twenties, only to wake up at thirty to discover it's gone.
I could never agree to bring her home for Sunday dinner, Thanksgiving, or Christmas, because she was really a he with nice abs, a tight ass, and really great lips. I could never say, "Oh sis, it was the best date I've ever had. When I kissed him goodnight I swear my knees went weak and I had to grab onto the porch railing to keep my balance."
At some point, I began to feel like a liar for inserting she for he. I'd convinced myself that if I used we, us, and they, then I wasn't really lying. This was the beginning of what I now refer to as The Androgyny Files. We went to the lake this weekend. They asked me to dinner. The two of us took in a movie. As if the people I dated, kissed, and laid naked in bed with had no sexual identity.
In some cases, my reasons for not coming out to certain people were a mystery--my sister Annie, for instance--who was an out and proud lesbian. Mom and Dad as well. Mr. & Mrs. Miller weren't what I would ever call ecstatic about the fact Annie was gay, but they never stopped loving her. Which to some might make it seem like a no-brainer. They'd already gone through it once and survived--the way had been paved.
What the hell was I so afraid of? It made no sense, even to me. Maybe it was a fear of the domino effect that kept me from confiding in Annie or my parents? If I were to tell one person, I might not be able to stop. Maybe if Annie hadn't beaten me to the punch with regard to the P's, I wouldn't have felt so much pressure to be the Great White Hope--the only supposed good shot my parents likely had at spreading the genes, so to speak. Of course, all these reasons might simply be nothing more than a smokescreen, the bullshit I told myself because I didn't want to face the fact that at the heart of it all...I was just chicken.
I knew that at the very least Annie likely suspected I was gay. I mean, despite my outward appearance of complete and total butchness, most of my friends were confirmed homos. Don't laugh, people. I had that sexy, blue-collar thing going for me--even in a suit. Annie took after our mother and looked like a princess...only Annie had the mouth of a sailor. I was a carbon copy of my dad, who looked more like my mother's handyman than her husband.
There were even times when I could have sworn Annie was dropping little hints, like she was attempting to give me the opportunity to speak up and tell her the truth. Unfortunately my fear of opening up was like my singing voice--I refrained from sharing it with others.