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Category: Fantasy
Description: Lady Churchill's Rosebud Wristlet is a twice-yearly zine of eclectic fiction and so on. No. 13 features the work of such fine writers as Sarah Monette, Tim Pratt, Leslie What, Hannah Bowen and many others. Table of Contents fiction David J. Schwartz--The Ichthymancer Writes His Friend with an Account of the Yeti's Birthday Party Eliot Fintushel--Kukla Boogie Moon Leslie What--The Changeling Richard Polney--The Faith of Metal in Ghosts M. Thomas--The Poor Man's Wife Tim Pratt--Rowboats, Sacks of Gold E.L. Chen--White Rabbit Triptych Philip Brewer--Salesman F. Brett Cox--Legacy Veronica Schanoes--Serpents Karina Sumner-Smith--A Last Taste of Sweetness Hannah Bowen--Pinned Sarah Monette--Sidhe Tigers Geoffrey H. Goodwin--The Magnificent Dachshund K.Z. Perry--Mama's Special Rice Tin Spencer Keralis--The Meat and the Mushrooms Nonfiction Gavin J. Grant--Home and Security Zine Reviews Gwenda Bond--Dear Aunt Gwenda Lucy Snyder--The Guest Film Column: The Salton Sea Poetics Mario Milosevic--Lunar Fate Jason Stewart--The Greebles David Blair--Four Poems Art Mieke Zuiderweg--Anticipation (Cover) James Campbell--Untitled
eBook Publisher: Small Beer Press, 2003 2003
eBookwise Release Date: November 2009

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Available eBook Formats: OEBFF Format (IMP) [213 KB]
Words: 45663
Reading time: 130-182 min.

"Tiny but celebrated."-The Washington Post

"Lady Churchill's Rosebud Wristlet never fails to hook me."-New Pages

"For all the complaints about the supposed demise of genre magazine fiction, it's nice to note that the folks at Small Beer Press (primarily Gavin J. Grant and Kelly Link) see an expanding market niche for their peculiar (and I mean that in the best sense of the word) tastes."
-SF Site

"If you enjoy short fiction and essays this one comes highly recommended."
-Xerography Debt

"As usual, the editorial dynamic duo, Grant and Link, has put together an assortment of sly, bizarre, funny, and haunting stories by writers both familiar and unfamiliar....[Which] amuses, enthralls, mystifies, and moves me. It's always a wonder to me that Grant and Link can continually bring us such fresh, idiosyncratic talents."
-Tangent

The Ichthyomancer Writes His Friend With an Account of the Yeti's Birthday Party

David J. Schwartz

Xaya:

You no doubt recall (or perhaps you don't; it's been quite a while) that last Thursday was the Yeti's birthday. I wanted to tell you about the surprise party we threw for him. We were sorry you couldn't be there, but obviously that would have been impossible. If it makes you feel any better, there were quite a few people there whom I don't believe you've met.

The guest list was too large to have the party at our apartment--the fish are upset by crowds. So we looked for a restaurant. We had to call around a little bit to find a place with a vegetarian option, since the Yeti doesn't eat meat, but we settled on a little Thai place downtown. Maggie and I had eaten there a few times, since it's not far from our place, and we've always enjoyed it. The rama Thai is excellent.

Maggie and I arrived early and had a drink in the bar. Maggie wore a turtleneck and a short skirt with high boots and nylons. She looked incredible, as you can imagine. For myself, I wore a long-sleeved shirt, charcoal-colored, with some green pants. The fish call them our Quiet Party Clothes, which is their snide way of insinuating that we're predictable. The Black Mollies have an entire spectrum worked out: our Social Obligation clothes are dark and conservative, while our Loud Party Clothes are brighter and don't need to be dry-cleaned.

When we got to the table Todd and Mictecacihuatl were already there. Todd is a lawyer; right now he's representing the dolphins in their lawsuit against Miami. Mictecacihuatl is a god of the underworld, which is nice work if you can get it. Mictecacihuatl was overdressed, as usual, in a black tuxedo. One of the gods he works with, Ixpuztec, told me once that Mictecacihuatl bought the tux for a wedding that never happened, but it doesn't seem like the sort of thing you ask about.

Maggie told a few lawyer jokes. Todd's a good sport about them, but she had to stop after a while because Mictecacihuatl has false teeth, and his rather wild laughter kept knocking them loose. I suppose that working where he does you learn to appreciate a good joke, or even a rather formulaic and predictable one.

It wasn't long before more people arrived. Max and Earl, the conjoined twins, came in with their seeing-eye dog Bathsheba. Max and Earl aren't blind, but when Bathsheba retired she sort of lost her direction, and one day a couple of years ago we found her begging door-to-door for bowls of Beaujolais. She says she doesn't have a problem, but she's certainly happier since Max and Earl adopted her.

Sergeant Rust was there--stunning in a sleeveless red dress--with her new husband Arvid, the arachnid taxidermist. The Flying Cardellini Sisters were there, and I got a dirty look from Maggie when I waved to Phyllis, the middle sister. Maggie knows I dated Phyllis before we met, and she's terribly insecure about the sex, although she won't ask about it. The truth is that Phyllis was very conservative sexually, and the trapeze above her bed was strictly for practicing in her sleep.

The Zulus came, although they spent most of the time talking on their cell phones, which I thought was rather rude. Dr. Wise was particularly irked by this, as he has a script he's been working on about the female pharaoh Hatshepsut which he's determined to see Johnny Depp star in. But thanks to the miracles of modern technology, instead of pitching his script he spent the entire evening listening to Lawrence--the mastodon, not the fire elemental--complain about his dating troubles.