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Why Can't I be Normal?
by Human Warnings
Category: Humor/Mainstream
Description: Why Can't I be Normal? Tells the story of a man who wants so badly to be normal, that he becomes increasingly weird.
eBook Publisher: Club Lighthouse Publishing USA LLC/Club Lighthouse Publishing, 2009 2009
eBookwise Release Date: October 2009
 
Available eBook Formats: OEBFF Format (IMP) [118 KB]
Words: 25922
Reading time: 74-103 min.
"Amazing! Warnings uses a powerful and ridiculous human need, to generate countless laughs and insights."--Sarah Gray "This is exactly what books are supposed to be. If there were more like this, I would be reading all the time."--John Smith
I AM THE WEIRDEST man who ever lived. I am the strangest thing in existence. I have spent my whole life ashamed of it, coping with it and suffering from it. I have weirdo written all over me; it's as plain as the nose on my face, as they say. When I exercise, weirdness comes out of my pores; when I talk to people, they cringe and say, 'What weird breath.' Weirdness is the fabric of what I am. If scientists were to run a test on my DNA, they would find it to be weird. I'm so weird, even I can't relate to myself.
I have always wished I had a friend, or higher power, or instruction manual to tell me how to be normal, but I have always had to wing it, so to speak.
Dogs bark at me, because they can smell the weirdness on me. Babies cry when they see me, because they instinctually sense my weirdness. I'm so weird, blind people cover their eyes when I'm around, deaf people cover their ears. Animals are endangered because of my weirdness. Nuclear bombs are dropped because of my weirdness. Evil exists in the world because of my weirdness.
Strangeness is in my heart, my soul, my brain, and written all over my face. And there is nothing I can ever do to change it. A strange man can't be normal, any more than a tall man can be short.
I walk the streets, far beyond an object of ridicule, more alien than any alien, more monstrous than any monster, more ghastly than any ghost, odder than any oddity, more perverse than any pervert.
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