Lila Luminosity and the Lipstick Murder
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by Norma Zager
Category: Humor/Science Fiction
Description: Kick off your Monolos, open a bag of Hershey kisses, and join Lila Luminosity and her gang of galactic crazies as she lives out every woman's fantasy and proves a girl can never own enough pairs of shoes, eat enough cocoa bean products and run far enough away from her mother. Take a minute to bond with Lila and the ever-perfect Buster as they solve the lipstick murders and make the universe safe for chickens and Prada boots once more.
eBook Publisher: eXtasy eBooks/Devine Destinies, 2009 Devine Destinies
eBookwise Release Date: April 2009
2 Reader Ratings:
Available eBook Formats: OEBFF Format (IMP) [313 KB]
Reading time: 176-247 min.
Lila had never seen Buster in such a foul mood. She wondered what could have transpired to create this funk, but she was having a difficult time finding the courage to ask.
"I know you're wondering why I'm in such a mood. Thanks for not asking," Buster said softly.
"With you. That's so evolved to notice my mood and communicate yours."
"Thanks for the compliment, I think," Buster said.
"You're welcome and, yes, it is a compliment," Lila whispered.
"I guess since I'm acting so evolved, I should tell you the rest."
"If you want to."
"I want to. This case is making me crazy. There are weird things going on like I've never seen before. I can't seem to make sense of anything. It's like floating through some crazy world where I can't speak the language."
"That's a good thing. Would you really want to understand all this insanity?"
"I'm a policeman. It's my job to understand insanity."
"Okay, let's be clear. I have no desire to be with someone who relates to the whole hot-dog-up-the-ass thing."
"Okay, okay, you're right. But I should know enough about the criminal mind to figure out what's going on here. Even if I don't understand or totally get it."
"But you do understand what's going on here. Some nuts with a vendetta are running around the galaxy shoving food up their victim's butt. Either they are pissed because they once got a bad meal, or the service sucked. Sometimes a five percent tip just isn't statement enough."
Buster laughed. "I hope murder isn't your remedy for bad service in a restaurant. Otherwise, we'll have to start ordering take out."
"Actually, it had never entered my mind, but there is a certain symmetry to the process. You have to admit, there have been times a small tip didn't fit the crime."
Buster laughed. "Maybe you're right. That waitress at The Blue Coffee shop on the moon was the rudest I've ever seen. Maybe a few hits of a Starbucks Latte Tall up her tush would send a message."
Hell of an enema, Lila thought. "But, Buster, there really is a method to this madness. The fact they were all in the restaurant business together, still haunts me. I keep thinking they didn't part as friends. Have you talked to Borgana again?"
"Yes, she was a silent partner. It was a small investment and she let her business manager handle everything. I can't help thinking there's something more here. A disgruntled customer wouldn't be enough to create such anger, this is a real vendetta. What makes people kill? Sex, love, money or relatives?"
"Sure family arguments heat up into murder all the time," Buster explained.
"Are any of the partners related?"
"Not as far as I've been able to discern. But that's a valid point. Maybe it's a family member once removed. I'll check it out."
Lila had a feeling, the one she got when she was onto something; her left boob started to tingle and itch. "My boob is tingling."
"I'm driving Lila, there's nothing I can do right now. Unless you want me to turn on autopilot and..."
Lila interrupted, "No, Buster, although hey, why not. No, my boob is tingling because I'm onto something. Whenever I have a hunch, my boob tingles and itches. And it's never wrong."
"You never told me this before."
"I haven't had a hunch around you before."
"And your boob is always right?"
"Always, my boob is never wrong."
"Lila, do me a favor and never say that in public."
"My boob is never wrong."
"People will think you mean me." He switched on autopilot.