The Erotic Adventures of the Norse Gods
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by Eleanor Tremaine
Category: Erotica/Erotic Fantasy/Fantasy
Description: Sigord Strengthens His Sword and Gets Suck(ered) by a Sexy She-God! What's with author Eleanor Tremaine? Has she been around eavesdropping, pen in hand, since the dawn of time? Otherwise, how can she know so much about the secret sex lives of so many legendary figures, from King Arthur and his oh-so randy knights, to Calamity Jane and her torrid affairs with lovers of both genders, to the intimate doings of the gods themselves? Here's what happens when Woden and his brood get hot enough to turn the frozen north into a tropical rain forest. What else you going to do with eternal life while waiting for the Twilight of the Gods? Sexy, knowing, literate, enthralling. In short, Eleanor Tremaine.
eBook Publisher: Renaissance E Books/Sizzler Editions,
eBookwise Release Date: December 2008
Available eBook Formats: OEBFF Format (IMP) [86 KB]
Reading time: 47-66 min.
CHAPTER ONE. GOODBYE BALLS
The race of Gnomes dwells in mines and caves beneath the earth's surface.
These small creatures are industrious miners and smiths who create beautiful works of art and fabulous jewelry from the gold, silver and precious stones they extract from the earth's depths.
They are small, amphibious, ugly, horny, and mean little sons of guns..
Not that they see themselves as ugly. To them small, hunchbacked, hairy creatures whose toenails grow out at the rate of two inches a day are perceived as handsome and charming.
They are a very promiscuous race.
But, as with any group of creatures, some are hornier than others.
The brothers Alvis and Mim surpassed their fellow Gnomes in lasciviousness.
And Alvis was even more randy than Mim.
One day, Alvis was so hard up for ass he could barely contain himself.
So, as happened with fair regularity, he scooted up the mine shaft to the upper world in search of sexual adventure.
The only implement he carried up with him was his pair of silver scissors.
He never went anywhere without them.
Without his regular pedicure, his damned toenails became downright unwieldy.
Alvis had heard that the Wæterelfen who lived in the Sea of Wyrd (Sea of Fate) were hot numbers.
Being amphibious, he could live beneath the surface of the sea and hopefully could get some sweet loving from the Wæterelfen.
The Wæterelfen were the daughters of the Lord of Wyrd (the master of fate, whose daughters were the Norns and the Wæterelfen).
The Wæterelfen were three gorgeous creatures of lesbian persuasion who were inclined to be somewhat stupid.
And although they did not favor males as sex partners, they were notorious teases.
The Lord of Wyrd had stashed a cache of magic gold in his sea. And, not realizing what a bunch of ditzes his daughters were, he suffered them to guard the hoard.
Alvis, in his poontang search, reached the shores of the mighty sea and slithered beneath the surface. He descended to the bottom and looked around to see if he could spot any of the hot Wæterelfen sisters.
As far as he knew, the sisters could be swimming around anywhere within the sea.
He settled down for a while in hopes that one or two, or three might come swimming by.
While he was waiting, he clipped his toenails to make himself as attractive as possible to the babes.
When he put the scissors away, his urgent erection began to drive him nuts.
When no action appeared, he decided he might as well engage in a bit of self abuse and relieve the erotic pressure.
Thus, the Gnome was so engaged with his prick that he did not notice that the three Wæterelfen had swum into the area and were frolicking three marks above his bent head.
The sisters, at first, were incognizant of the little creature bent over on the river's bottom.
They didn't notice him because they were too busy playing their everlasting games with each other's bodies.
Smoothly swimming around each other, they rubbed bodies, sucked nipples, gobbled at crotches, and maneuvered through the hundred thousand sex games possible for creatures who are equally comfortable underwater and on land.
Caught up in their constant orgy, the three were hardly competent guards of their father's magical golden hoard.
One of the sexy creatures, Beyla by name, spied the ugly gnome down below playing with himself.
"Yo-ho, Sisters," she cried. "Take a gander down below. It's time to change sports. Let's see if we can drive the little bastard nuts with a bit of teasing.
"Let's get down there fast, before he climaxes, so he'll be hot to trot, and we'll keep him from getting a chance to release his load."
Vestri swam down behind the gnome and tapped him gently on the back.
Alvis jumped up and spun around.
Beyla easily swam away from him. Nidi swam up behind him and ran a finger up his rectum, giving a rub to his prostate.
When he spun around again to see what was up, she was out of his range. But Vestri was now behind him again.
She reached between his legs and grabbed his balls.
The three continued their teasing sex play.
Alvis found a slender, lovely hand running up his staff. Then felt a pair of breasts slithering up his back.
He was having the time of his life.
But he was getting desperate.
It was one thing to have the three lovely creatures teasing him.
But he had left Gnomeland in search of poontang.
All he needed was to catch hold of one of those ditzes and he'd have his ready phallus in her before she knew it.
He kept trying to catch a nymph, only always to find out she could out-maneuver him.
The Gnome's balls began to ache in his desperation.
And as he was beginning to feel very sorry for himself, the sun rose.
Its rays penetrated to the bottom of the sea.
Alvis shaded his eyes and looked up to get a sharper view of the wily Wæterelfen.
As he looked, he saw that the sun's rays had illuminated something that gleamed brighter than gold.
Like all Gnomes, Alvis thought he knew everything there was to know about gold. But what he was looking at had a strange, mystical glimmer unlike any metal he had ever dealt with before.
"What is that I'm looking at?" he asked the lovelies.
"Oh," Nidi told him. "That's daddy's gold. We're here to guard it."
"Guard it?" Alvis thought to himself. "You ditzes do one hell of a job guarding it. All you think about is screwing around playing your stoop tag with each other and teasing any male who comes your way."
But, instead of mouthing the sarcasm, he took a soft approach to attempt to find out about that gleaming gold.
"Your daddy's gold, eh? And just who is your father?"
"The Lord of Wyrd, of course, Shorty," Vestri laughed. "He owns the magic gold that everyone in the world covets. So he hid it right here in this sea. And no one knows where it is but us."
"You three certainly are wonderful guardians of your father's magical gold," the crafty gnome complemented. "Just what is it that makes it magical? Is it simply that it glimmers brighter than other gold?"
"Oh, no, Stupid," Beyla scoffed. "What makes it special is that if anyone should get a piece of it and fashion a ring, he would become Master of the Age. That person would, or could, be able to amass vast riches and control other people."
The greedy little gnome forgot all about why he was there. He had left Gnomeland to seek sex.
Power, though. Now there was something really worthwhile to pursue.
All concern about his aching balls evaporated.
"That is very interesting," Alvis said. "And you three are such wonderful guards.
"You say that all a thief would have to do is abscond with enough of that gold to make a ring. And then he would be Master of the Age.
"Isn't there more to it than that?"
"Well," Nidi had to admit. "There is that one little hitch. Which is why it's so easy for us to guard the Wyrdgold. Because no man would ever want to do what it takes to forge a ring from it."
"Oh?" Alvis wondered. "Why would that be?"
"Because of the catch, Dummy," she responded. "I already told you that."
"And what's the catch?" the Gnome pressed.
"Oh, that," the water nymph scoffed. "The thief would have to cut off his balls and leave them here with the rest of the gold. Otherwise the ring would be nothing special at all.
"We know that no man would cut off his balls and renounce sex, no matter what the prize."
"You're right, of course," the avaricious gnome answered, knowing he would willingly renounce sex for power. "You have nothing to worry about there."
As Alvis was talking to the three scatterbrains, he was edging himself toward the golden cache.
He set his mighty little legs into a springing set and leaped right onto the pile of Wyrdgold.
He whipped out his silver shears, cut off his balls with one snip, dropped them onto the pile, grabbed a chunk of gold, and launched himself out onto the shore.
As he hastened away from the sea, ball-less but elated, the miraculous gold chunk in hand, he laughed uproariously, heading back to Gnomeland.
The sound of the sobbing Wæterelfen, sitting on an island in their sea, only served to heighten Alvis's pleasure.