Acklinta's Design Flaw
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by Robert W. Birch
Category: Erotica/Erotic Science Fiction/Science Fiction
Description: Depressed, owing to his having been rejected by a lover, Fred fails to see a strange object streak across the horizon. As he walks the Californian topless beach he does not even pay attention to the variety of breasts the view of which he would otherwise enjoy. Greatly preoccupied, he fails to notice a beautiful topless woman until she stands almost in front of him. He grows immediately attracted to her. Later, he discovers that she vents a very powerful pheromone: one hard for any man to resist. Surprise grips him when he learns that her name is Acklinta, and she claims to be an alien from a far-off planet. At first, he thinks that she must be crazy, or that she has been smoking one of those funny cigarettes, but she gradually convinces him that she is from Forsuntia, and she came to Earth to shop for products for her family's intergalactic import/export business. She's hot, and her pheromones prove effective. She readily gets Fred to agree when she tells him that she wants him to be her first human conquest. She informs Fred that she is a "fabrication" based on the Playboy parts manual: a collection of the magazine from the 1980s, when female pussies were not shown. Rather than have the engineers guess, she opted to keep her set of two pussies: unique orifices equipped with blue tongues. Fred finds that these marvelous holes can suck a man's organ into their depths, lift him to orgasm and then milk him dry. A major design flaw, however, resulted from the engineers' viewing an old film that showed a woman masturbating. Knowing nothing of human female genitalia, the engineers assumed that the woman's clitoris must be located in the tip of her finger. This design flaw creates a major problem for Fred, because the only way that Acklinta can come is by sticking her finger in the eye of a male partner. A few other extraterrestrials show up from time to time in this humorous story. Acklinta's body features other idiosyncrasies, such as the sonar devices located in her boobs, the thermostat located where the sun doesn't shine, and the aperture in her navel that opens and closes as she sniffs the air. In addition, she is not shy about telling of lovers from other planets. When Acklinta travels home to take care of business, Fred comes up with a plan designed to allow him to accommodate her clitoral finger without suffering any pain. (She describes herself as a "Poke, stir, thank you sir" kind of gal.) After implementing this drastic strategy, he gets a major surprise when his beloved returns, and he and Acklinta make love!
eBook Publisher: Double Dragon Publishing/Carnal Desires Publishing, 2007 Carnal Desires Publishing
eBookwise Release Date: December 2007
2 Reader Ratings:
Available eBook Formats: OEBFF Format (IMP) [114 KB]
Reading time: 68-96 min.
How could she do this to me after all I've done for her? I don't know what I'll ever do without her. How can I go on? She was everything to me!
At twenty-two, Fred Nichols felt that his life was over without Karen. Deep in thought, he remained totally oblivious to the sound of the waves and to the gulls that circled overhead. He didn't even notice the large glowing object that streaked low over the water. He heard others yelling and pointing, but by the time he looked all he saw was a vapor trail stretching across the clear blue sky's horizon. He assumed that it was from a low-flying corporate jet. He wasn't thinking of what was happening around him, for his mind was flooded with painful memories of the restless, flirtatious woman who recently rejected him for a younger man. He was going to miss her passion and love of sexual variety.
It was one of those wonderful hot summer days when half the world would have loved to be here in California, but Fred didn't give a damn about the weather as he walked barefooted along this isolated stretch of a topless beach. Others might have traveled miles to vacation under the sun, but he seemed only intent on wallowing in self-pity. Consumed by his profound feelings of abandonment and despair, he couldn't have cared less about the pleasant salt breeze blowing in from the ocean.
Fred was a breast man. He had always enjoyed the variety of half-naked women playing and sunning themselves on the beach, but not today. He didn't even notice the beautiful bare-breasted woman who was walking along the water's edge toward him. With head down and eyes focused on the white sand just in front of his feet, he replayed the painful parting in his head.
Don't leave me, Karen. She was crying as she walked out the door. Come back. She kept on walking and was gone. What could I have said to make her stay? How will she ever make it work with that naïve nineteen-year-old? He worried that perhaps the younger man was better hung. What is it about him? What does he have that I don't?
The young woman on the beach had advanced within ten feet of Fred when he sensed her presence and looked up. Their eyes met. The connection felt somehow electric. He was stunned by her long blonde hair and her incredible physical beauty. His gaze dropped to her breasts. Perfect. Fucking fantastic! Thoughts of Karen fled. He concentrated now on peering into the stunning eyes of this beautiful stranger.
She did not look away. Fred's gaze dropped again to her breasts. It seemed that her nipples had enlarged since his first inspection. As once more he focused on her eyes, she smiled.
"Good morning." Her soft voice was only barely audible above the sound of the waves.
Fred managed to reply. "Ahh--good--good morning." Her lips were perfect. Everything was perfect.
"I saw you walking and wanted to meet you." Her eyes seemed to dance with excitement. "I noticed that fuzz on your lip."
"Yes, and your broad shoulders."
This was certainly not love at first sight, but it was most definitely instant lust. Adrenaline rushed to mix with a healthy dose of Fred's testosterone. That potent combination surged through his body. The image of this exotic creature pushed any lingering feelings of rejection and hopelessness from his mind. He found himself pulled abruptly out of his dismal past and propelled into the exciting present. Whatever chemistry operated, this woman's body, from her blonde head down over her slim tummy and down her long legs to her red toenails, captured his full attention. He grew mesmerized.
"Your eyes..." The words escaped through her full lips. "You have such sexy eyes."
Fred's gaze again dropped briefly to her full, round breasts, and then returned to find the woman's eyes still focused on his. Speechless, he stared.
"I was hoping to meet a man like you."
"I hadn't seen you coming. You startled me."
"I didn't mean to scare you."
"Not scared, just surprised--pleasantly surprised." He smiled.
"Then can we be friends?"
"That was fast." His heart pounded in his chest.
The comment confused Fred. "What?"
She ignored his question. "My visit to this beach will be fairly brief, so there's not much time." She reached back with both hands as though to brush sand from her tight buns. This called attention to her firm breasts and perky nipples. Their projection failed to go unnoticed.
"You're on vacation?"
The woman again ignored his question. "Let's walk. I overheat if I stand too long in the sun." She began walking. Fred caught up with her. They began talking about the beach, about the weather, about the things couples usually talk about on their first meeting.
The two walked and talked for almost an hour before Fred asked the woman her name.
"Acklinta," she replied.
"Ack..." Fred attempted to repeat the sound.
Fred tried again. "Acklinda."
"No, Ack-lin-ta--ta. Acklinta."
"Acklinta. That's an interesting name. It's very unusual--sounds kind of foreign, but you don't speak with an accent. Where are you from?"
"A long way off: a place you've probably never heard of." Her hands swept over her firm young breasts. Fred was so distracted that he forgot his question.
They walked in silence until finally settling down in a secluded spot behind an outcropping of rock. He took Acklinta's hands in his and looked deeply into her hazel brown eyes. "I've never seen a woman as beautiful as you! Everything about you is so perfect--your face, your hair, your breasts, your entire body. You've got to be the most beautiful and the sexiest woman on Earth."
"I have a confession to make," the young woman said hesitantly. "I'm not sure how you'll respond." She paused. "I'm not, ahh, I'm not from your planet. I live on a world that's unknown here on Earth. We call it Forsunti. It's really quite far away."
"For what?" Fred was not sure what to make of this disclosure. He certainly had never heard of this planet.
"For-sun-tee. Forsunti. I am a Forsuntian and I'm only here for a very short visit."
Fred was taken completely off guard by this additional claim, for he'd never met anyone claiming to be from outer space. Disbelief quickly replaced surprise. "So, you're a For--Forsuntian, huh. Well, where are you living now?" He figured that she'd give him a street address, or at least a city.
"I transport up to my spaceship every night. Where do you go at night?"
This woman is bonkers, he thought. Still, there was nothing threatening about her petite size, so he played along. "I have a little house on the west side of the city. I used to share it with a lady friend, but she stiffed me."
"Did you mean 'whiffed' you? Are you getting excited, Fred?"
"No to the first question. I meant, she stiffed me. That means she left me, jilted me, dumped me. And yes, in answer to your second question. You do excite me. But why don't you just get an apartment here?"
"I don't have much of your money, plus I couldn't live on what you eat. I do like the popcorn and black olives here, but I can't convert most of your food into the energy I need to keep going. So I have to return to my ship for nourishment."
"Okay, so you're an alien and you live on a space ship, but how come, then, you look so human? You're not one of those shape-shifters, are you?"
"No, I'm not one of those. The Forsuntian engineers excel at making these human fabrications."
"You're a--fabrication?" His question was followed by a thought. She's got to be completely nuts! Her story he judged even more unbelievable, at this point.
"Yes, I'm a fabrication. Do you think it's a good one? I paid quite a bit for it."
"You're very beautiful, but if you're a fabrication, are there others who look just like you?" He resolved to continue playing along with her strange story, even though he still thought she was either tripping on something or totally off her rocker.
"No, I'm not one of those mass-produced models. I got to pick the parts I wanted from some of Earth's magazines. It's a little like you Earthlings' picking what colors and what accessories you want added to the basic design of a car. I saw that on one of your TV things."
"One of our TV commercials?"
"Yes. The female wanted red and the male wanted blue. They ended up with red."
"I think you're a bit crazy, lady, but I can't help feeling a very strong attraction to you. If you're an alien, then I must be the crazy one, because I find you totally irresistible."
"What's your name, crazy one?"
"I've never met a Fred before, but there was a hat-maker on the Kimbo Space Station whose name was Fried. He was from the planet Lombarkia, and all the Lombarkian men are hat makers."
"Well, that's about the craziest thing I've ever heard!"
"Think what you want, but there's a good market for hats, and since they sell them to beings from all over the galaxy they have to be designed in every shape and size imaginable. You can't image the difficulty a Spiksorian has in finding a hat that will fit over his horns, but a Lombarkian hat maker can make one."
"Now you really are pulling my leg."
"No, I haven't touched you."
"I mean you're making all this up, aren't you?"
"No, Fred, I wouldn't lie to you. It's just not in a Forsuntian's nature to make things up." Acklinta moved closer. "Blue eyes. You have blue eyes. The only blue-eyed creatures I know are the Lasarians, but they have three of them."
"Arranged in a triangle?" Fred continued to play along with her joke.
"Two in front and one in back. They live on a planet where the ferocious flesh-eating clyptomorphs are considered sacred, so the place is overrun with them. They'd sneak up behind the Lasarians and eat them, were it were not for that third eye."
"Gives real meaning to the phrase 'Watch your back.'"
"Well, there the saying is 'Watch your clyptomorphs.'"
Fred rolled his eyes, still believing that this woman was toying with him.
"I love when you do that." Her hands swept down over her breasts as she spoke.
"That thing with your eyes."
"Well, that's because I'm finding your stories--well, I'm finding them a little farfetched."
"I'm not familiar with that farfetched phrase. It's not in my translator."
"Far-fetched. You know, far out."
"No, like bizarre."
"That translates, and reminds me that I must get to a farmer's bazaar, so I can look for some cowbells. The Lasarians buy them like hot pies."
"Hot cakes, and I suppose they put them on the clyptomorphs so they can hear them coming."
"No one has ever heard a clyptomorph come, but they must, because the females keep having litters of the damn things. The bells are for the Lasarian breeders. You'd call them the females. When they're ready to give birth they ring the bells, and all those in the village gather around to keep the newborn babies from running off. They can easily get lost in the grass, you know."
"Lady, you really are strange."
"This is my first visit to Earth. I'm still learning a lot about your words and customs. I can't tell if you like me. Do you think I'm sexy?"
"Oh, yes. You're very sexy."
"Good, because I was told the Playboy parts manual was a good source for a sexy custom-made fabrication."
"So, you're a compilation of Playboy Bunnies?"
"No, I didn't like the long ears on the bunnies and saw no practical use for that fluffy thing in back. I picked just parts from the women."
Exasperated, Fred threw up his hands. "What am I going to do with you?"
"Do you have a manual of directions?"
"If you aren't sure what to do with me, is there a book that tells you how to make love to a woman?"
"Not sure it would cover sex with a Forsuntian."
"We'll just have to sing it."
"You mean wing it."
"Yes. It seems that when I get excited my translator has trouble with your s and your w sounds. Half the time I get them song."
"Nothing's wrong. The word you wanted was wrong, not song."
Fred chuckled. Forsuntian or crazy, this woman was absolutely beautiful and a heck of a lot of fun. Out of this world, he thought. "Let's walk," he said as he took her hand. It was warmer than he had expected, prompting him to comment on this.
"I've probably set my thermostat too high. I'll turn it down a bit." Reaching behind her body, she slid her hand down the back of her skimpy thong.
"Where the hell's that thermostat?"
"Oh, it's sensitive to sunlight, so it's located where the sun doesn't wine."
"Shine. Where the sun doesn't shine." Feeling her hand cool, Fred started to believe all that she'd been saying. He wanted to ask her if she had a pussy, but thought she might think he was asking about a cat.
"In that parts catalog, did you see what a woman has between her legs?"
"Oh, you mean her pussy?"
"Yeah, her pussy. Did you get one?"
"The Playboy parts manual did not show the design for a pussy. There was some hair down there, but not much else showing. Anyway, I didn't want just one, so I kept my two. They're different, but I'm partial to them."
"My God, woman, you certainly are different!"
"I left my owner's manual in my space ship, so if I'm too different you'll just have to use your imagination."
"I have a good imagination, but why do I find you so damn attractive?"
"Must be my pheromones."
"Oh, those are the chemicals that..."
"I know what they are, but where are they coming from?"
"From these exhaust vents in the front of my face." She pointed to her nose.
"How do you smell?" Fred asked.
Acklinta shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. Forsuntians can't smell themselves."
"No, I mean how do you smell other things? Things--around you?"
"You mean like your pheromones, that I just happen to love? I can smell you through this sensor down here." She pointed to her navel. When Fred looked, he thought he saw something open, much like the aperture in the lens of a camera.
"You are full of surprises."
"I know. That's why with each fabrication we get an owner's manual." * * * *