Hold Nothing Back
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by M. J. Rennie
Category: Erotica/Fetish Erotica
Description: A Powerful, Compelling Erotic Novel! M. J. Rennie's newest adult classic Hold Nothing Back breaks fresh ground, both for Rennie and for the erotic novel. In it Rennie reveals the complex inner life of a deeply aware, emotionally vulnerable young man during the mid-1970s. Highly passionate, with a strong sex drive, Patrick Compton is almost in bondage to eros itself. Additionally confronted by the problems of career, love, and personal adjustment, Patrick needs to make sense of his life. So he begins to write down his sexual confessions, exploring his encounters with and feelings for a variety of unforgettable young women, seeking for deeper meaning than he saw then. Patrick's poignant search for the right woman drives this fascinating story, as one-by-one his sexual dreams and fantasies give way to hard realities. Patrick is unflinchingly honest, and the things he writes about might be thought, but they are very rarely said. The result is a powerful erotic novel, but it is also far more than that, for in Hold Nothing Back, Rennie has produced a powerful, compelling work of art.
eBook Publisher: Renaissance E Books/Sizzler, 2005
eBookwise Release Date: January 2005
7 Reader Ratings:
Available eBook Formats: OEBFF Format (IMP) [482 KB]
Reading time: 328-460 min.
CHAPTER ONE: MAKING LOVE TO MARIE
January 16, 1975
There are all these things I want to say that I don't want anyone else to know about. That is how it is. I bought this book to record my personal thoughts for the coming year or maybe longer. The main idea here as far as I am concerned is to hold nothing back. I've wanted to do this for a long time and now I'm finally doing it.
What's on my mind? Well, I have a little over two months left in my VISTA service. I will be done on March 21. Patty, Carolyn, John, and I have to move out of our house at 2831 Alston Drive SE by the end of this month. John and I will move to an apartment in the Joyland Park section of the city.
Patty and Carolyn are going to move in with some of their other friends. None of us particularly wants to move but we have to because the landlady is selling the house.
I've gotten very little mail so far this month and that bothers me, although yesterday I did receive a letter from Annie. She is still rather pissed off about what she calls my "irresponsibilities, deceptions, and omissions" in the course of our relationship. Annie is a nice girl, but I just can't get excited about her anymore. She is intelligent and interesting, but not very responsive, either sexually or emotionally.
Everything for her is heavily intellectualized. I've had my fill of that stuff.
I still miss Leanne a lot. Why, I do not know. I would also really like to see the black hound of East Eugene. But I have to wait at least two more months for that. I would also like to see Sarah in Louisville and all my friends back home because I'm getting mighty tired of sticking it out in this cornpone Southern city.
Last night John and I told Jane some of the jingles we have made up about the people we know here.
Patty Schaumer--"They say she is a sweet and lovely lass. We say: 'Bullshit on my ass!'"
Joe Ludlow--"In bed at night he always tucks her. I'm glad it's him, not me, that fucks her."
Mary Lease--"Hot Italian mama loves ravioli, but sure is sick of Dave's pistoli."
Carolyn Anders--"We hang her portrait on a peg. It makes the juice run down our leg."
There were many more, but that is pretty much how they went. Jane laughed almost until she cried.
So far, the major events of January have been:
1) Getting my letter published in Jonah Hex #27.
2) Watching the Steelers win the Super Bowl.
3) Permanently terminating my romances with Marie, Phyllis, and Lynn. Not that there was all that much to terminate.
I'm kind of bored, feel ageneral apathy about things. Wish something unusual or exciting would happen. A tornado, fire, flood, or nuclear meltdown. Something cool like that. Haven't been laid in nearly a month. I detest celibacy.
Later, 11:00 PM. Oh, Patty is definitely pissed tonight. John and I went to the Hawks-Bullets game at the Omni with Carl. We saw Ludlow, his wife Kay, Mary and Dave Lease there.
Get this: Apparently Patty cooked dinner for Ludlow tonight but he stood her up to go out with his wife. That dirty double crosser. Imagine him going out with his wife instead of his girlfriend. We didn't tell Patty we saw him with her. She would have fucking freaked.
January 17, 1975
When I got this book I did not intend to write in it every night but I feel a need tonight, and the novelty is still fresh. Just finished watching an episode of THE HONEYMOONERS on channel 46. It's my favorite sitcom of all time. Tonight, Jackie Gleason was dynamite as the stage-struck bus driver and Audrey Meadows and Art Carney were brilliant as usual. What killed me was the voice Gleason affected for the part of the old and rich dilettante (sp?). I'd never seen that one before and I've seen most of them. I can even remember when my parents watched the show when I was a little kid. I really laughed.
Tonight is kind of a wistful occasion--the fifth anniversary of my fateful night with Leanne.
So much for that. Carl called me today and asked if I wanted a date with these two married women he knows.
"You can take either one," he said. "The tall one really gives good head but the short one has a better bod."
I virtuously replied no, I wouldn't enjoy a scene like that, knowing they were married. I'm sure Carl's right when he says they're both kind of slutty.
I have pretty much decided to start writing a novel. It will be a slam bang action story about high school in the late 1960s. Could be a bestseller, probably along the lines of an S.E. Hinton yarn. I suspect it will be loosely based on the high school days of one Patrick J. Compton, with a bit of poetic license thrown in for pure fun. The title will probably be MAVO. Goodnight.
January 18, 1975 Saturday
Some unusual events have happened today. I got up early, about 9:30 AM, got dressed and went to the library. Checked out a couple of books which I think may be a little dull. After I got back home I borrowed John's car to see if I could hunt up a new pair of corduroys.
I'm hard to fit because my waist is so much narrower than my inseam--30 x 34. I'm six feet two inches and 140 pounds. Skinny as a rail. It's hard to find pants.
So many people in this country are totally fat. I know I'll never become like that.
Today is 60 days without smoking a cigarette.
Anyway, since I was in the vicinity of Belvedere Plaza I decided to see if I could locate Lynn. To my surprise, I found her at the Laundromat.
The Belvedere Econo-Wash.
And in the course of our conversation I found out exactly what the fuck is the deal on her:
She's married! For a while there they were split up but now she's getting back with her husband. I guess I can forget about that scene.
I think marriage is a fucked up trip.
I'm in a depressed, bitter mood. I am of two minds on this issue: First, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Second, fuck it.
But why do I always feel this way?
January 19, 1975
Began my novel.
Later: Goddamnit, just as I was in the middle of writing up a storm, the stupid phone rang. Like a fool, I answered itand unfortunately, it was Phyllis, whom I have been trying to avoid. I disguised my voice with my shirt and told her that I was John and that I (me) was not home.
I'm not sure of how convincing a job I did--how could I be? Fuck it. I don't care. I do like Phyllis but it ain't gonna happen. When that lousy phone gets ripped out later this week, I intend to dance with joy. I detest phones. They are a real nuisance.
Machines control people, not the other way around.
My novel has rapidly deteriorated into memoir. So much for bestselling fiction.
January 22, 1975 Wednesday
Marie came down to Atlanta and gave me a call on Monday night. I stopped at Carl's, drank some beer and watched the Pro Bowl on TV.
Then I went over to the Georgian Terrace Hotel about 11:30 PM and spent the night with her. We messed around for a couple of hours and then had a long discussion about our "relationship." I told her I resented her going off with somebody else when she tried to prevent me from seeing Leanne back in September. Seems like she likes to make rules for me she doesn't have to abide by herself.
After Marie saw that other guy last month I figured it had to be over between us. No conclusion came out of it so we just concentrated on the sex. The first time we did it was sort of awkward. The second time was much better. I'm not sure what will happen when Marie's service is up in February. I suppose we'll just have to find out.
Tuesday I went straight home after work. I was burned out from our all-day trip to Carnesville, Georgia. The session was a bummer but Jane, Jackie, and I gossiped and told amusing stories the whole way. That part was fun.
After dinner with John, he dropped me off at the hotel so I could see Marie again. We fucked and then went out to Manuel's for beer. We drank two pitchers (I am broke again) and saw Patty, Ludlow, and even that nut George Pisano, who owns the sandwich shop I like to patronize.
Pisano told us about this novel he has been working on for the past 13 years.
"It's called THE MADNESS OF CHARLIE," he said.
Basically, it's about this young man who turns into an old woman as the result of a curse. Based on Pisano's description, it's difficult to judge the overall literary merit. I suspect it may just be some bullshit line he uses to impress people.
But perhaps he is sincere.
Marie and I came back to the hotel kind of drunk. I gave her oral sex for a good long time. Giving her oral pleasure is such fun and she really seems to enjoy it. She came at least twice.