What's Wrong With Being Single?
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by Maryam Jorjani
Description: Being single or facing divorce, separation or widowhood doesn't mean unhappiness. Singles--the latest, largest and least understood minority in America--are mad as hell and they're not going to take it anymore. Drawing on many statistics and richly detailed case studies, Maryam Jorjani proves that society's pressures and misconceptions of togetherness drive many of us to get married. The result is often depression, divorce, addiction, violence--even suicide. Her conclusion: living the single lifestyle, free and independent, may just be the best prescription for what ails America.
eBook Publisher: E-Reads, 1999
eBookwise Release Date: May 2001
1 Reader Ratings:
Available eBook Formats: OEBFF Format (IMP) [252 KB]
Reading time: 182-255 min.
Forget THE RULES ... Forget VENUS AND MARS ... STOP trying to find a man ... WHAT'S WRONG WITH BEING SINGLE? addresses the abuse aimed at society's largest and most misunderstood minority: SINGLES.
For too long, single women have had to put up with the questions and innuendos:
"How can you stand being alone?"
"How come you're not married?"
"What are you waiting for?"
"What's the matter with you?"
"Are you a lesbian?"
"Is something wrong, dear?"
"Why can't you get a man?"
"A nice girl like you..."
Meanwhile, the statistics speak for themselves: divorce rates are surging through the roof, spousal abuse is skyrocketing, couples' counseling is becoming the fastest-growing form of therapy, and the courts are clogged with vicious child custody battles.
How much of this obsession, this "push" on the part of so many people and institutions to force people to couple is social conditioning, religious edict, or cultural imperative? And what are the results? Loneliness, age discrimination, and "physical looks" bigotry. Where does that leave so many of us? I believe it results in an urgency to conform and a belief that we can only be okay if we get "fixed" by someone other than ourselves.
I believe our society has become bigger than that and is ready to encompass new ideas--those old notions have become passť.
Few "single women," fortunately, know the kind of emptiness and loneliness that can come from a loveless or dysfunctional marriage. Our biggest mistake is buying into this crazy notion that it is somehow an awful thing to be alone--or, to be more specific--to be without a man. Even singles clubs and dating services are ultimately dedicated to the proposition that all people must be coupled off.
Making marriage the only goal in life is truly a risky business for any woman to undertake. It can be a trap. I have met too many women who have more faith in their husbands than in themselves. They expect happiness to come from their spouses and lovers rather than from themselves. And when things get bad, these women's lives unravel. I think that we, as men and women, are here not to compete, but to complete. And looking at the levels of unhappiness and abuse that exist in the world, it almost seems that marriage is something we've created to punish ourselves.
This is not to say that single women don't fall victim to some of the same pitfalls. But there is an alternative for all of us--to recognize that there is a choice we all can make. I've come to believe that if you are one of those women who has everything except a husband, then you truly have everything! I know this will sound a little odd, but perhaps the only "need" we should have is not to need at all. Life truly belongs to those who belong to themselves.
The goal of this book is no less than to finally put an end to the raw deal that many single women--and men--have gotten over the centuries. It seems that singles, when not simply being bombarded with the most humiliating questions, are forever being herded into the "mating game." In the extreme, single women have found themselves running the gamut from being ostracized and ridiculed to having their sexuality questioned.
With that in mind, I'd like this book to serve as an inspiration to those who are living a life filled with uncertainty, doubt and fear--all because of our culture's emphasis on marriage at the expense of any other lifestyle alternative. That kind of narrow-minded view only leaves a whole lot of us on the outside looking in. I hope you find this book alternately funny and daring--a pragmatic look at coping with relationships that offers simple and valuable advice. At the same time, it is a book of spiritual growth describing the sensations of self-love, healing, freedom and inner peace that come from opening ourselves to the profound awareness surrounding women's existence.
I find it strange that while everyone desires freedom, most are content merely to yearn for it. What's Wrong With Being Single? is for those women who are tired of being dependent on someone else for their happiness.
I'd like to help heal those of us who are suffering from the unthinking, but nevertheless, sharp and painful remarks inflicted upon us by our society. Many women are enjoying life as singles and feel they don't have to prove anything to anyone. They are independent, freedom-loving souls. After all, freedom and self-love are the keys to true happiness. Creating a foundation for ourselves, learning to achieve on our own, discovering how to live as independent human beings and, finally, teaching our children--these lessons are perhaps the best life has to offer.
New York City, 1999