[The Swingers, Book I] Women In Control
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by Dax St James
Description: A woman introduces her new man friend to the mysterious world of swinging. Read this eye-opening, first person account of people who have dared to admit to themselves that monogamy is not a one-size-fits-all solution, and for some monogamy = monotony. Enter this strange realm, which many outsiders think is just a male wet dream, but where women actually call all the shots. Far from being weird or freaks, swingers are normal everyday people from all walks of life. For a lot of adventurous men and women swinging is too frightening to explore. But for others, it can be a marriage-saving and life-changing experience. Let Dax St. James be your guide to the wildly erotic, but carefully structured and bounded, territory of swinging in all its aspects. This book reveals that what most people believe about swinging is wrong and dispels many myths about swingers (see below). With the first book in this combination true confessions and guidebook, St. James shares his experiences of one couple in a strange land, with advice. humor and honesty. Ten Top Myths about the Swinging Lifestyle Myth #1-Swinging is just an excuse for men to cheat on their wives Reality-The swinging lifestyle is a couple's lifestyle in which both the husband and wife partake in the sex together. One of the compelling reasons couples get into the swinging lifestyle is to expand their sexual horizons and carry out some of their sexual fantasies in a safe venue. Myth #2-The swinging lifestyle is a man's world that is demeaning to women. Women are forced into it. Reality-The tone of the swinging lifestyle is set by the women. Swinging is a Jekyll and Hyde experience for the couple allowing them to enter a second life. Whether it is the dress, sexual behavior or attitude, it is the women who go through the greater transformation from Dr. Jekyll to Ms. Hyde. As a consequence women find themselves in control, not the men. There is not much "forcing" taking place. Myth #3-Swingers are typically "trailer park trash" low life people. Reality-The swinging lifestyle is made up of people from all walks of life. There are doctors, lawyers and Indian chiefs in the lifestyle. Nurses, teachers, flight attendants and housewives. Your neighbor could be a swinger, however your typical swinger is discrete and does not advertise their choice of lifestyle. Myth #4-Swinging is just about wife swapping. Reality-This is perhaps the greatest misconception of swinging. Swinging is a lifestyle. It is about couples escaping into a second life that includes erotic evenings, vacations, parties and events. The friendships couples make in the lifestyle transcends the sex. You shift into a world of like minded people who are there to have fun. Sex is simply the icing on the cake. Myth #5-Swingers are mostly old out of shape married people. Reality-The age group of swingers spans from the Gen X and Y couples to Boomers. However a common theme in all age groups is to be in good physical shape. Since there is a sexual theme central to the experience most people want to look good. There is no shortage of extremely attractive swinging couples in the lifestyle. Myth #6-If I go into a swing club or event I must have sex with someone. Reality-Sex in the swinging lifestyle is totally optional. Many couples who come into a swing club (or other venue) are there for the erotic atmosphere. Some couples come so that the female half can dress in a revealing outfit. Some come for the erotic dancing, or the meeting of like minded people and friends. Sex is optional not mandatory. Myth #7-Most women in the swinging lifestyle are prostitutes or promiscuous women. Reality-If there are prostitutes in the swinging lifestyle it is because they are there with their spouse as a normal swinging couple. The concept of a prostitute going to a swing club or event and attempting to charge for sex is much like taking sand to the beach. Female swingers are no more promiscuous in their "normal" life than their non swinging counterparts. The lifestyle is about allowing promiscuity without criticism if that is your choice. There are multiple reasons women are in the swinging lifestyle. Myth #8-There is significant drug use in the swinging lifestyle. Reality-There is no more drug use in the swinging lifestyle than in non-swinging venues. Probably less. Your typical swinger couple wants to be coherent when they are meeting people and having fun. There is drinking, but not to excess. Who wants to have sex with a drugged out drunk? Myth #9-There is a lot of sexual disease in the swinging lifestyle. Reality-A great majority of swinger couples practice safe sex. Sexually transmitted diseases in the swinging lifestyle are extremely rare. Myth #10-Swingers have no rules. It is about mindless sex orgies. Reality-Nothing could be further from the truth. All swingers have rules. Each couple sets the parameters of what they can handle sexually. There are many forms of swinging. Some couples are soft swingers and restrict their sexual contact. Some couples prefer a one on one encounter. Some couples prefer threesomes. Some couples enjoy separate play, and yes some couples prefer orgies. The sex couples engage in is their option. The keys are that the couple agrees up front on what works for them and that the swinging lifestyle provides you with a safe venue in which to engage in your sexual fantasies.
eBook Publisher: Renaissance E Books/Sizzler,
eBookwise Release Date: November 2011
Available eBook Formats: OEBFF Format (IMP) [211 KB]
Reading time: 150-210 min.
It was a little over twenty years ago that I began my "reign" in the swinging lifestyle. I call it a reign because at times I have felt like royalty; which is to say I have felt privileged. Privileged to have met the people I encountered on this journey. Privileged to have participated in the parties, events and wild weekends that were part of the experience. Privileged to have made the wonderful friendships, which were an unexpected, yet pleasant part of the journey. The journey I speak of has taken me down some strange paths not the least of which is the writing of this book. This book was primarily motivated by many of the characters who appear in the ensuing pages. It is they who over the years have uttered the same phrase repeatedly after a particular party or event. A phrase that I was in total agreement with every time they said, "Someone has got to write a book about this." After waiting patiently for that "someone" to appear I decided that no one was going to step forward, so I decided I would fulfill the role. I hope I have done their stories justice.
As I began writing the book I realized that my greatest challenge was to provide the general public with a sense of what it is like going down the Rabbit Hole into another world; the world of the swinging lifestyle. Just like Alice entering her Wonderland, I call it "another world" because that is precisely what you are entering when you decide to go down that Rabbit Hole. The common misconception is that the swinging lifestyle is just about sex and swapping of sex partners. Although that certainly is one of the outcrops of what happens in the swinging lifestyle, (or the Lifestyle as I will refer to it in these pages), this hardly touches on the total experience. As I reflect on my years in the Lifestyle two dominant features describe the experience. The incredible friendships you develop and the duality of existence that the Lifestyle brings to your life. Of these two features the first is self-explanatory while the second is not as easily explained. Nevertheless I owe my readers a better understanding of this latter feature since it sets the stage for the stories you are about to read.
I remember as a youth reading the book Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. For those not familiar with the book, it is about a proper London gentleman who through a potion he imbibes can literally transform himself into another person, Mr. Hyde. Mr. Hyde represents his baser personality and desires. A personality that is deeply buried in his psyche and he would not care to display in proper society. Swingers do not take potions but they definitely have a Jekyll and Hyde experience, (although with better outcomes then the poor Dr. Jekyll in Mr. Stevenson's novel). Swingers call these two worlds the "Vanilla World" and the "Lifestyle World." Entering this alternate world can be intoxicating. You are given the option to switch the clothes you wear and the person you are when you step into your Lifestyle persona. Think of it. What fun is it being Superman if you can't run into a phone booth and change into your cape? More to the point, which outfit do you think Superman has more fun in, that drab business suit he wears at the Daily Planet or that blue skin tight body suit with the cape that makes the ladies swoon?
This ability to have a doppelganger experience is especially seductive to the ladies. For the ladies the Lifestyle world can be liberating. Survey the women and the majority will tell you that the sex is simply the icing on the cake. It's the getting to the sex part that's the fun. It's the ability to become a totally different person who can dress and act out your fantasies that becomes the thrill. This not so small point cannot be emphasized enough. Even in our "enlightened" modern society of sexual equality, women can only get away with so much before their behavior is classified as slutty, cheap or whorish. They still must watch how they dress, talk and act in proper society to maintain that label of being a lady. In the Lifestyle world these superficial conditions do not exist. They can dress in extremely revealing sexy clothing (known as slut-wear to swingers). They can fulfill their deepest darkest sexual fantasies and then step right back into their normal persona in the Vanilla World with no penalties, no transfer fees, no repercussions, no people talking about their perverted behavior. There is no limit to the sexual fantasies a woman can fulfill in a safe and discreet venue. Want two men at once? Want a woman? Want a gangbang? Want to pick up a total stranger and have sex with him? Your wants and desires are there for the taking. This is the intoxicating world of the Lifestyle.
In the pages of this book you will get a sense of the fun swingers have and what it is like to go to a swing party or event. The movies have not treated swinging well or accurately. Movies such as The Ice Storm, Bob, Ted, Carol and Alice and Eyes Wide Shut have missed the mark by a considerable degree. For example, the world of the swinger is by no means a secret society as is implied in Eyes Wide Shut, nor a guilt ridden one like Bob, Ted, Carol and Alice. There are no hookers involved and no secret passwords. With just a little effort and homework on the Internet, you can gain access to this world just as easily as any veteran swinger.
The image of swingers on TV has fared no better. The daytime talk shows have represented swingers as overweight problematic people who are not happy in their marriages. This may make good television but it is completely inaccurate. I will not attempt to sell the reader on the idea that every couple in the Lifestyle are Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, but there are many women in the Lifestyle that are every bit as attractive as Nicole, or more so. At the expense of sounding elitist, the people my wife and I have associated with have been classy, elegant and extremely fit. The "extremely fit" part is a point of personal pride especially for the ladies. After all, they are wearing revealing slut-wear and relish the idea of showing off those fantastic bodies. They also have terrific peer pressure they place on themselves to look good in said slut-wear. The men also realize we have to keep in shape. In a sense we are still "dating." We are trying to catch the eye of the ladies. For both sexes it keeps a well-honed edge on how you look, behave and dress.
As readers delve into these stories the temptation may be to say, "This kind of thing just doesn't happen in the real world." You're probably right. But remember this is not the real world I am writing about. It's the Lifestyle world. In that world it happens with a great degree of frequency. My story is not unique in the Lifestyle world, just in the Vanilla world. The stories you read in these pages are all true. Once you have gone down the Rabbit Hole and experienced it, you know you will be going back again and again. It is difficult to describe the transitions. It is like watching a movie on my flat screen high definition TV as opposed to an old 19" black and white. I mean how would Dorothy have felt when she arrived in OZ if it was still in black and white? Entering the Lifestyle world is a similar experience; you know you are not in Kansas anymore.
The reader will note that the book is heavily slanted to the male view of the Lifestyle. I apologize right up front to the ladies for this shortcoming. I really want you to read the book. As I pointed out earlier the Lifestyle really is more a woman's world then a man's. Consequently, although you are getting a view of it from a male angle I will humbly admit that it is you ladies who run the show. While I am being humble I will also admit that you ladies are better at it, typically have more fun at it and normally become more sexually liberated in it than us men. I'm not complaining. I don't mind being along for the ride. Nevertheless, I have probably failed mightily at delivering a proper female perspective of the Lifestyle. For that you would need to get my wife to write a book. I am enough of a man to openly admit to those areas of expertise in which clearly I am in over my head. The female mind is one of these areas. I doubt if a more complicated structure exists on the planet. My past attempts to understand the female brain have taught me to steer clear of such endeavors. You can get hurt in there. I'll stick to my depth, the shallow male perspective of the world. I'll leave the deep end of the pool to those more qualified then myself.
This book is non-fiction. The players in this book are all real people. Like the events, no one is a fabrication. However, I have taken the liberty of changing their names, even though I refer to everyone only by their first names. There are two reasons I have done this. The first reason is that we have some pretty judgmental people walking around out there who firmly believe that unless you are conducting yourself morally, sexually and in every other way exactly as they do that you are wrong. Although your average swinger understands the narrow mindedness of this stance it is just not worth the energy of getting into a debate over it or allowing it to spill over into other areas of your life. Your average swinger is not embarrassed that they are in the swinging lifestyle, but they do have the right to keep their behavioral and sexual preferences to themselves. I believe we call this "privacy." I certainly have no intention of invading theirs any more then I already have in these pages. If they choose to advertise it, that is their prerogative. I am sure they will recognize themselves in these pages and stories. They will simply have to take the book and tell whoever they want that they are such and such couple or person in the story. However I wouldn't count on it. For the simple reason that it really is none of your business now is it?
The second reason I changed the names is to give you something to do on a rainy day. Life can get boring so I am giving you some pure entertainment. It's sort of like buying a game of Clue. As you read about the people in this book and you start thinking of how closely they resemble your friends, your neighbors, your dentist, or whoever, you can wonder if they are the characters in the episode you just read. I will have dropped enough hints that even a novice detective can put the pieces together. You will probably be wrong, but won't the speculation be fun in itself? Just remember, if you see the names in here that do match up with people you know, do not immediately put two and two together. You will have to redo your math. Sorry, I am not making it that easy, I repeat, I changed the names.
At the end of the day this book is simply about entertaining you by sharing some stories about our walk on the wild side. It is not meant to insult, belittle or criticize anyone else's sexual choices, mores or how they choose to live their lives. Our lives are short enough that we should learn how to savor the pleasure that is presented to us from time to time in whatever form. It has been my observation that this pleasure can take different forms for different people. Some can get as much enjoyment out of watching a sport as actually playing it. Both types of people are fine. However if you are one of those people that given the option of enjoying Paris in the spring through the travel channel versus actually walking down the Champs De Elysees, (noisy French drivers cursing at each other and all), dive in.
As a final note, I might add that no animals were hurt in the events recorded in these pages, but a few were created.
Read on and enjoy.
--Dax St. James