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Category: Humor
Description: Some surprises are funny. Some aren't.
eBook Publisher: DiskUs Publishing,
eBookwise Release Date: October 2010

4 Reader Ratings:

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Available eBook Formats: OEBFF Format (IMP) [30 KB]
Words: 2792
Reading time: 7-11 min.

"What's a nice girl like me doing in a dump like this?" Maude Forest laughed. Girl was pushing the envelope, but dump said it all. She shifted position on the moth-eaten sofa and grabbed her cell phone. Maybe her best friend had returned from her latest jaunt. Maude was in dire need of diversion.

Why would a self-made millionaire want to find his roots? She looked at the faded, water-stained wallpaper and prayed her husband of thirty-five years would come to his senses. He'd dragged her to this farmhouse on the edge of nowhere because his father, grandfather and who knows how many greats had lived here.

What was wrong with a cruise or a visit to Broadway? Even a golfing vacation would have been more fun. No, George had to see the home of his ancestors, his unexpected inheritance and the place his mother had fled when he was a few months old.

She dialed a familiar number and heard her friend's voice. "Sue Ellen, regale me with tales of civilization."

"Sue Ellen Pinewood laughed. "The Parker wedding was a gross extravaganza."

"Was I missed?"

"Absolutely. Without your caustic comments, I was bored. Let me tell you about the dust-up at the Women's Club luncheon."

The phone crackled. Maude couldn't hear her friend. "Sue Ellen, are you there?"

"Sorry. My driver hit a rut. Where was I?"

"At the Women's Club."

While Sue Ellen gave a blow by blow, Maude felt envy blossom like the roses on the trellis outside the window. She'd give almost anything to walk on concrete instead of dirt, but budging George was impossible.

"Ma, Ma, git out here," George bellowed.

"I'm not your mother."

Sue Ellen chuckled. "Is Ma his new pet name?"

Maude sighed. "Since he's in the hills, he's turned us into Ma and Pa Kettle."

"Where are you?"

"Midway between Luke and Stumpy Point."

Sue Ellen giggled. "So when will you be home?"

"Who knows when Pa Kettle will find the roots his mother severed when she left his father."

"Have you done anything interesting?"

Maude rolled her eyes. "We appeared at a strawberry festival. Shame I'm allergic."

Either Sue Ellen or the connection sputtered like eggs frying in bacon grease. Maude held the phone from her ear.

"Woman, come here, now," George shouted.

Sue Ellen giggled. "What's got him so riled?"

"Probably a cow wandered by. Where were we?"

"Your exciting days."

"We've toured cemeteries and read tombstones." Though it had taken more than a year after the death, she wished the lawyer hadn't found George.

"Maude, there's a body on the lawn. Hurry."